Monday, November 08, 2010

He's Gone, That's It

Cancer is such a scary thing; it doesn’t discriminate. I guess that I can say that I’ve been lucky to have lived 26 years without cancer affecting my life. All of that changed when I turned 26. My cousin, June, was diagnosed with kidney cancer on my 26th birthday. He went in complaining about a slight pain in his belly, above his belly button. Two
days later, the doctor called back with the news that it was cancer. Shocked, that’s an understatement. I have a very large family on my mom’s side; my grandmother has 10 children, 14 grandchildren, and 13 great grandchildren (no get together is ever small). I wouldn’t say that we are all close but it seems that in times of trouble, the family bands together. A month after the cancer diagnoses June went in to have the kidney removed. With hands together, fingers crossed, and heads bowed everyone prayed that this would be the answer to our prayers. Hopefully the doctors would remove the kidney and the cancer would be gone. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. When the doctors opened him up for surgery that only helped the cancer spread, something NO ONE could have seen coming, more shocking news. June kept a positive attitude; he knew that cancer wouldn’t beat him. He wasn’t going out without a fight. And fight, he did.
 For the next year and 5 months he fought, his parents fought. I can’t tell this story without mentioning how vigilant my Uncle Johnny and Aunt Deena were. They were experiencing something that no parent should have to experience. In June of 2010 he was told by the doctors that there wasn’t anything else that could be done. The cancer was spreading so rapidly that it couldn’t be stopped. He was told that he only had two weeks left to live. The family was preparing for the worst, making travel arrangements, calling other friends and family to notify them. Remember I said he was a fighter? Two weeks came and went and he was still fighting, cracking jokes, making people laugh. A month came and went, and while he wasn’t well, he was still living. Everyone had high hopes for a recovery. We were sure that the doctors didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. Two weeks…yeah right, it’s been 2 months, 3 months.  I was able to take a trip to Michigan to visit him and I am so glad that I did. Although, he didn’t look like himself, his personality was the same. When he wanted to make a point, he MADE a point and the day that I saw him, his point was about Almond Joy. He didn’t understand how you can have those Almond Joy pieces (a new candy that is out) without having almonds in them. “It just doesn’t make sense, that’s false advertisement,” he said. Month 3 took us into October; the cancer was spreading more rapidly than ever.  June was going blind; the cancer had spread to his brain. The call came at 10:15pm, the words were simple,  “he’s gone, that’s it.”  On Saturday, November 6, 2010, June lost his battle with cancer at the age of 38.
Johnny Golden Jr. (June)

Aside from my grandfather dying when I was 13, I had never experienced death so close to me. I didn’t know how to react or what to say. The only thing that I could think of was, “I can’t imagine what his parents are going through.” I am a mother now and the thought of losing my son is unfathomable to me. I do believe that God knows what he is doing and at the end of the day, he is in control.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.


Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Bringing Everything Up to Speed

I'm sure that the majority of people that follow my blog know me on a personal level but for those you that don't; I thought I'd bring you up to speed on my life. I am married to the most amazing, incredible, loving, supportive, adoring, affectionate, devoted, caring, compassionate, forgiving, and passionate man. I could go on but I don't know if there are enough words to describe how much I adore him. God definitely blessed me with this man!

On February 5, 2009, I was so blessed to become mom. God brought me through a pregnancy that could be labeled nothing less than perfect. Jordan has been such an amazing gift for Ashish and I. Having a child definitely grounded us. We weren't the types to hangout until all hours of the night but we did "live for ourselves." Having a baby changed all of that. Jordan defintiely keeps us busy. I was told that as a baby he would get into everything...WRONG...he was a perfect baby (minus the fact that he didn't sleep through the night until 9 mo). Once he turned 18 months, that was all over. Although we haven't had to make an injury related trips to the ER, in a  few short months, he has climbed under my SUV to get his golf balls and gotten 2nd degree burns on his hand from touching the iron. Even with all of that...God continues to be good to us!

The Beginning

"Danielle, do you really want to share your personal life with everyone?" That was a question asked by one of my closest friends, and the answer is "yes." Simply put, "yes." I remember when I received my first journal. I was in the second grade and it was a gift from my mom. I had a love for reading and writing that spilled over into many years of writing, page after page, thought after thought, writing was MY freedom of speech. At one point I wanted to be a journalist, I wanted to write about other people's lives and be able to tell their stories. Going into college, I changed my mind. See what I hadn't considered was the fact that writing for me was an outlet, a way to express myself. Writing was a way to yell at my mom, tell that mean girl (in the 7th grade, I still remember her name) how much her meanness was not appreciated by me. The journal was my personal thoughts, hopes, dreams, and ambitions and as I look back at that same journal that I've had since the second grade, I smile, and as I read the entries it takes me back to middle school, high school, and college. I stopped writing for a while but picked it back up when I found out I was pregnant. Some people scrapbook, (I'm still trying to get into that) I write. Stay tuned for more. I can't promise that it will be interesting but it will be me...just me!