Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Waiting...

This post is long...but it's good!

I've blogged about our church and how much we love it. I've blogged about our small group family and how we can't live without them. But, rarely do I blog about the actual sermons. Most weeks I sit in church and take small notes here and there. I get what I need out of the teaching and then head home. There are times when I don't feel like I got anything out of the teaching and my mind is just on autopilot. Ashley often says "maybe the teaching wasn't meant to reach you, but it was meant to reach the person next to you." So, I wait. I wait for the teaching that will reach me. Wait for something to be said that makes my ears perk up and my brain turn off. I got that teaching yesterday (Sunday)!

I was putting off going to church. Ashish didn't have to be at work until 12 so I didn't want to leave for church while he was still home. The weekends that he works, we have very little family time so I was trying to soak it all up. I had so many "reasons" why I shouldn't go. I had so many more reasons why I should. I promised myself that we were going to attend the 6pm service, no matter what!

Jordan and I made it to church with 8 minutes to spare. I got him squared away in the Children's Church and took my usual seat. Worship started and I was immediately drawn in. Our worship music is more contemporary and I prefer something a little bit more gospel but I always stand and worship. There are several songs that the band plays that I really like. "The Great I Am" is one of them. As soon as the instruments started playing, I knew the song was for me. Before they got to the chorus my hands were up in the air and my eyes were closed. I was soaking it all in. Even when I opened my eyes, my arms were still in the air. It was like God was holding them up for me. Tears started flowing. I needed that. I needed to have my feet held to the fire and just surrender myself.

Once worship was over and the tears were wiped away, the teaching started. Kevin Queen, who is the pastor at one of our other campuses was teaching today. His first statement out of the gate was "let's talk about waiting." I literally said aloud "really, God?" Most of you know that Ashish and I have been "waiting" for a second pregnancy. "Waiting" for that plus sign, or the blue lines, or the pink lines, heck, we don't care what the lines look like as long as it means that we are pregnant. We've been "waiting" for a year.

Kevin went on to talk about the things that many people are waiting for...engagements, marriages, babies, promotions, etc. Then he says, "believe it or not, there are several women waiting for their second pregnancy." WAIT...WHAT?!? God was using Kevin to speak to me. Secondary infertility is talked about even less than general infertility. Most people think that if you can have one baby, it should be easy for you to have another. Not the case. I'm not going to bust out the statistics of it all but just know that secondary infertility is just as common as primary infertility, it's just not talked about as much.

"Most people want God's resources but they don't want God's timing." So true. At the end of the day, a year is not a long time to wait for God's blessings. Ashish's mom waited 20 yrs for him. A friend waited 4 yrs for her first child. Humans are impatient by nature but modern medicine has made this worse. We want instant gratification. I know I do. I went into this "trying" phase thinking that it would be easy. Again...not the case. Waiting has been hard, not just on me, but on Ashish too. There have been lots of prayers prayed, tears shed, and we won't even talk about the cost of pregnancy tests.  When all is said and done, I know that any and all of God's blessings are worth the wait. I AM sure of this, but, until then...I will be waiting!
 

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Aww, literally have tears in my eyes for my dear friend. I am so glad that this sermon spoke to you in this way. Its so true, we are definitely impatient by nature. But God only makes us wait sometimes because He has something incredibly worth it brewing. I know that is the case for you. As we studied about infertility and subfertility as in your case yesterday in class. My mind immediately thought about my dear friend. I have the tendency to always want to make something better, but I know this is something I can't fix for you. Know I am here, and I may not have the right things to say, but I will always have an ear for you to vent when you want to, or even cry. Love you chica!

Amy Powell said...

oh what a great experience! so glad you got the teaching that you needed & so glad you decided to share it :)

good luck with your waiting!

Amy said...

It's such a blessing when God uses a sermon to soothe our hearts and souls. Despite all the things going on in your life that day, you made it to church and heard the sermon that spoke directly to your heart. Amen!

Pegster said...

This post is so heartfelt. Praying for lots of blessings coming your way. Hopefully baby #2 will be here soon. God is great.